No Place Like Home
by AngryCupcake
Summary: Stephanie McMahon, Chris Jericho, and the joy that constitutes their family life. Please note the sarcasm. A smoochy fic.
1. Bah Humbug

Title: There's No Place Like Home  
  
Author: AngryCupcake  
  
Pairing: Stephanie/Jericho  
  
Rated: PG  
  
Disclaimer: Only Vince McMahon has the grapefruits to own the WWE  
  
not I. This is purely a non-profit venture.  
  
A/N: Merry Merry Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. And yay my  
  
first Stephy/Jericho fic and a Christmas Smoochy at that. Drabble.  
  
Ah yes another Merry Christmas with the Clan McMahon. As usual  
  
everything was unusual. Stephanie rolled her eyes and wondered why  
  
she had bothered to come home to the most dysfunctional family in  
  
America. The youngest McMahon didn't know which head Shane had been  
  
thinking from when he invited that bitch Dawn Marie over for dinner.  
  
Currently the brunette was handing out her specially personalized  
  
Christmas cards. Honestly that was more of Dawn Marie than Stephanie  
  
ever wanted to see.  
  
Dawn Marie was a slight improvement over her father's choice of  
  
dinner guest. Sable. The bastard brought Sable. Linda greeted the  
  
blonde like any other guest and didn't bat an eyelash. Stephanie  
  
wanted to deck the Super Skank on sight but no today was Christmas  
  
and she would just have to fake the calm dignity that her mom had  
  
going on in spades.  
  
So now they all sat at a tense dinner table glaring death at one  
  
another. Vince was upset that Shane had the gall to bring his former  
  
assistant to dinner. Sable kept smirking in Linda's direction. If  
  
Linda's looks could kill Vince, Sable, and Dawn Marie would all be  
  
six feet under. Dawn Marie was still sore at the hell Stephanie put  
  
her through during that whole Torrie thing. Shane couldn't believe  
  
Vince had the audacity to bring his whore to a family event.  
  
And Stephanie? Well Stephanie was silently plotting a way to get  
  
even with her boyfriend. He was the one subjecting her to this  
  
yuletide hell. She caught his eye and threw him one of her patented  
  
sneers.  
  
Noticing Stephanie's displeasure Chris Jericho winked back at her  
  
before gleefully returning to his meal. Hey this holiday was all  
  
about family. It was either an embarrassing traumatic experience  
  
with his family or one with hers. Jericho couldn't help it if his  
  
girlfriend was a gambling woman. She lost that coin toss fair and  
  
square.  
  
| | | | 


	2. Christmas Candian Style

Title: No Place Like Home: Canadian Style  
Author: AngryCupcake  
Pairing: Stephanie/Jericho  
Rated: PG13  
Disclaimer: Only Vince McMahon has the grapefruits to own the WWE  
not I. Joss Whedon owns BTVS not I. This is purely a non-profit  
venture.  
Summary: Hmmm…What if Jericho lost that coin toss? Kudos to Stacy DC  
and Lucy for asking the question.  
A/N1: Steph and Jericho had trouble deciding which family to visit  
for Christmas. The coin toss settled it.  
A/N2: No Spoilers for WWE. Anything related to BTVS is strictly AU and used sparingly I borrowed Buffy's Anya but she's totally AU, so the only thing Buffy about Anya is her looks and personality. So to me it doesn't qualify as a crossover in the realest sense. Each succeeding chapter is self contained.

"…Sweetie we do not discuss size at the dinner table." Catherine  
Jericho lightly admonished her daughter.

"Mom I'm just saying that I don't understand how Stephanie could  
dump a man like Triple H, for Chris, unless he had an extremely tiny  
package." Anya stated in her typically blunt fashion.

Stephanie McMahon, taking no offense, let out quite the un-lady like  
snort in response; really Chris's little sister was a hoot. Chris on  
the other hand, winced as if the statement physically pained him.  
He'd long ago accepted that Anya was born without tact, but it  
certainly didn't make the Jericho family Christmas any less  
embarrassing.

"Oh hush now Fire Cracker. Christopher is a very good catch."  
Grandma Jericho's eyes twinkled and her cheeks glowed that special  
holiday glow.

"But Grammy…" Anya protested.

"Yes I am. Thank you Grammy." Chris smugly interjected.

"Our Christopher is very talented you know," the old woman said  
patting Steph hand just a bit. "And focused too. When he was about  
ten years old." Grandma Jericho paused to take another deep swallow  
of her eggnog. All of the sudden her reddened cheeks and sparkly  
eyes seem to make a bit more sense.

"Grammy please we don't need to…" Chris pled in a desperate attempt  
to halt the inevitable.

"Go on Grammy Jericho I love hearing all about Chris." Stephanie  
encouraged. The Canadian wrestler cast a withering glare at his  
extremely amused girlfriend. Her innocent act was not fooling him.

"See Christopher your lovely Stephanie wants to hear this story,"  
She slurred overruling her grandson's emphatic objections. "You see  
Stephanie dear when Chris was young he loved wrestling and idolized  
that Heart Breaker Man. One day he decided it would be a brilliant  
idea to get out the scissors and create his own mullet…"

Chris groaned as the tale progressed. It was now official; his image  
as the Vinyl Wearing Rock and Roll God was now shot to hell. The  
women at the table were having a hardy laugh at his expense. The  
blonde wrestler looked to his male relatives for help but their  
expressions clearly told him that he was on his own. Cowards. He  
didn't need them anyway. He was the Living Legend he could get  
through this on his own with more than a little shred of dignity.

"Hey Steph which of Chris's insults did you prefer being called the  
most road kill or trash bag ho?" Anya asked.

Oh well, who needed dignity anyways?


	3. A Smoochy Valentine's

Title: No Place Like Home: A Smoochy Valentine's  
Author: Angrycupcake  
Pairing: Steph/Jericho  
Rating: Pg13  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah Blah Blah Vince McMahon.

"This was the best day a man could ever dream of." Jericho softly whispered into his girlfriend's ear.

"Sweetie the best part was watching your baby blues light up with every surprise." Stephanie murmured.

Jericho chuckled just a bit, he couldn't help it. At any other time he and Stephanie would gag on this overwhelmingly smoochy display of affection, but today was Valentine's Day. They were entitled to smoochiness.

"Hey what are you going on about Jerky?" Stephanie playfully growled.

The Canadian briefly pulled back from their in embrace to kiss the tip of her nose.

"Nothing just thinking that I have the weirdest, smartest, most extraordinarily beautiful girlfriend on the face of the planet."

"Yes 'tis very true." She agreed giving him a grin only a princess could pull off.

"That didn't sound at all vain, note the sarcasm."

"Says the 'King of the World." She retorted.

"Touché." The wrestler conceded. "Seriously Stephanie you are the only woman I know who would come up with the idea of transforming Valentine's Day into National Boyfriend Day."

"Yeah well what can I say Chris? I'm a one of a kind kinda gal looking forward to her National Girlfriend Day next year." The brunette said.

"Very subtle Steph, but I thought everyday was National Girlfriend Day." Jericho teased.

She lightly smacked the wrestler's arm.

"Just for that I'm renaming my holiday National Stephanie McMahon Day. A day in which you will be at my beck and call." The princess declared imperiously.

"Your beck and call huh? That sounds promising." He waggled his eyebrows in

the most lascivious of manners.

"You're terrible." Stephanie giggled.

"That I am lass." He responded in a positively horrible Scottish accent. "But you know what I especially loved about tonight?" He asked in his normal voice.

"What?"

"I loved the screaming match you got into with that guy at my Boyfriend's Day hockey game. I think you made him cry."

"That baby," she sneered. "He should've known better than to say that wrestlers, especially my man, are nothing but 'untalented purveyors of homoerotic voyeurism.' That stupid homophobic pseudo intellectual, I should've kicked his ass."

The Canadian was clearly amused by the feisty woman in front of him "It's good to know that you find my honor and the honor of all the WWE males worth defending."

"Except for Hunter." The youngest McMahon added.

"Except for Hunter." Jericho concurred. He leaned in to kiss the soft lips that seemed to be taunting him all night. "You're so hot when you're angry."

Stephanie felt herself drowning in the feeling that she could only describe as uniquely Jericho. She leaned in to close the gap that developed between them through the course of their conversation. With an agonizing slowness their lips gently brushed against one another. God this was heaven…until Stephanie pulled abruptly away from him with a quizzical expression adorning her features.

"Wait a second. Are you telling me that at the height of the Stephanie McMahon/Chris Jericho feud, you proceeded too repeatedly piss me off because you thought I was hot." She asked incredulously.

"Basically." The man shrugged.

"You are a very twisted man Jericho."

"You love me for it McMahon." He smoothly returned. "And I love you even more for getting Mongoose McQueen to serenade us over dinner. It was the highlight of my life."

"I figured you'd like that." The diva smiled once again finding delicious warmth from his body pressed against hers. She would stay rooted to that very spot forever if it meant she could spend eternity in Jericho's arms.

The moment, however, ended all too soon when a loud continuous banging sound broke their romantic spell.

"No no no." Stephanie groaned into the crook of her boyfriend's neck.

"Someone's at the door." Jericho sighed glowering darkly in the direction the offending noise came from.

"Dawn Marie, Get your ass out of my bathroom this instant!"

"Stephanie quit yelling at her." Shane reproached.

Stephanie rolled her eyes at her older brother.

"You and Dawn Marie got into a fight and for some unknown reason decided to use my hotel room as your forum. She's been in my bathroom for an hour, six minutes, and thirty nine seconds. Frankly you are damn lucky I don't rip her a new one."

"Bite me Stephanie." Dawn Marie called out from the bathroom.

Ignoring his little sister's rant Shane attempted to talk to his girlfriend.

"Dawnie, I'm sorry, please unlock the door. We can talk about this."

"Talk? Drop dead turd." She curtly responded.

"You must've seriously fucked up man," Jericho commented to Shane. "What the hell did you do on today of all days?"

"Nothing! I mean it's not important." The dark haired man replied. "Suffice it to say that things went a little sour and Dawn got just a tad bit upset."

Of all the insufferable things Dawn Marie had had to put up with Shane McMahon takes the cake. She couldn't believe that he would down play what he actually did earlier that day. Wait a second, yes she could.

"Oh of course this is all Dawn Marie's fault. Dawn Marie is just being irrational." The assistant shouted. "There's 'no chance in hell' of the magnificent boy wonder could ever make a mistake. He is just oh so perfect."

"I'm not---" Shane started.

"I can see that the two of you are going through some hard times right now ," Stephanie interrupted hoping to curtail what would have been another blowout between the couple. "So let me be the one to say that you should take all the time you need to resolve your issues…in your own hotel room."

"Steph you are not helping the situation." Jericho said.

Like a petulant child Stephanie folded her arms across her chest and stubbornly up-raised her chin. "I would care because?"

"Because antagonizing them won't get them out of here any sooner." He reminded her.

"That's right I may have to stay here all night." Dawn Marie drawled. "Which means I'd probably have to find a way to entertain myself. Um Stephanie dear there's a dainty little hot pink thing in here with me. I would assume it's yours but I've never seen the billion dollar princess rock hot pink. Jericho is there something you want to share with the rest of us?"

Jericho narrowed his eyes at the insinuation. "Dawn Marie Why don't you---"

"Stephanie do something." Shane hissed. He found it best to jump in before Jericho could finish what would surely be a scathing attack on Dawn Marie. Lord the things he did for that woman.

"Shane have you forgotten that Dawn Marie and I hate each other?" 

"Believe me I remember, but you're the only one who can reach her. I can't talk to her because she kind of hates me at the moment. Jericho can't talk to her because he's, well, Jericho. And by process of elimination that leaves you. C'mon Steph turn that frown upside down. You're a woman, she's woman, there must be some common ground between you besides tampons and 'Sex and the City.'

"Shut up Shane." Dawn Marie and Stephanie simultaneously yelled.

"See common ground already."

The youngest McMahon shook her head hoping that it was all a bazaar nightmare. Stephanie could not believe that her promising Boyfriend's day had degraded into a stupid domestic dispute that wasn't even her own. Shane was looking at her with a desperate gleam in his eye, like she was his last hope. How funny was that? He was counting on her to fix his relationship with Dawn Marie. The gods must surely be laughing. Jericho sat against the wall raking his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time. Poor baby looked so tired and so…shirtless. Damn it she had things to do.

"Fine I'll do it." Stephanie caved. "Dawn honey what's really the matter."

"Can the sugary act McMahon, did you forget that I could hear every thing you people said?"

The youngest McMahon decided to take the other woman's advice. She dropped the act. All the pleading, yelling, and cursing that taken place over the night came to no avail. Any good business woman knows when it's time to switch gears and this was one of them.

"Dawn Marie I would like to enjoy the rest of my Valentine's night…" 

"As would I." Jericho put in.

"Therefore I have a special proposition for you."

"For the last time Stephanie I don't swing that way and I don't think your brother would appreciate your un-welcomed advances on my person."

Stephanie to her credit did not rise to the bait and continued ahead. "Dawn if you come out of that bathroom and talk to us and by us I mean Shane far far away from here I'll grant you the answer to one free Shane centered non business related question."

"You want your girl back right?" The diva asked her older brother when she saw him begin to protest.

Shane thought about it for a moment. This was Dawn Marie, a woman with an unsavory reputation. Was she really worth all the hassle? Unfortunately she was.

Yes he nodded.

"Then you are just going to grin and bear it. Buck up Shane-O it's not like she's going to ask about that one time you experimented in college with--- oh shit." Stephanie cursed herself when she realized what she was about to let slip.

"What!" Dawn Marie screamed. Stephanie, Jericho, and Shane heard the doorknob rattle violently before it was wrenched open. "Straight as an arrow Shane experimented with what? You have to tell me." The diva squealed with an intrigued grin on her face.

Jericho smirked clearly wanting to hear the scandalous tale. Shane blushed and then glared accusingly at Stephanie. Occasionally known as the billion dollar bitch, Stephanie suddenly felt all of five years old. 

"Umm oops?"


	4. Shakespear In Love

Title: No Place Like Home: Canadian Style  
Author: AngryCupcake  
Pairing: Stephanie/Jericho  
Rated: PG13  
Disclaimer: Only Vince McMahon has the grapefruits to own the WWE  
not I. Joss Whedon owns BTVS not I. This is purely a non-profit  
venture.  
A/N: No Spoilers for WWE. Anything related to BTVS is strictly AU and used sparingly I borrowed Buffy's Anya but she's totally AU, so the only thing Buffy about Anya is her looks and personality. So to me it doesn't qualify as a crossover in the realest sense. Each succeeding chapter is self contained.

"Why are we out here again?"

"It's safer."

"Oh yeah."

A cool April evening found Chris Jericho and Stephanie McMahon on the verandah seeking relief from the terror they momentarily escaped.

"Steph?"

"Yeah?"

"As tempting as it is we can't stay out here forever."

"You are right, we can't. Let's runaway instead." The brunette took hold of Jericho's hand and made to pull him away with her. Jericho held firm and with a slight tug of his hand Stephanie found herself twirled right back into the arms of her lover.

"Can't." he replied. "We're adults we should handle this in a responsible manner."

"Being an adult sucks." Stephanie groused.

"That it does, princess, that it does." The blond smiled and bowed in deference to his lady love. "Would if we could cast off the shackles that bind us to this mortal coil, my fair Juliet. Though the fates are against us I would brave a thrice damned tempest just to steal a kiss from thine ruby lips."

Not to be outdone Stephanie curtseyed deeply and demurely lowered her gaze. "My Lord thy words fall from thine honeyed tongue like dewdrops from heaven. Mine heart sways with the cadence of thy voice and held enthralled. I would follow thee to the ends of the earth, my Romeo."

Stephanie and Jericho lapsed into silence as they stood there essentially peering into each other's souls. It was as if the world and its corresponding baggage faded away and all that's was left was the two of them. Jericho and Stephanie, Adam and Eve.

Jericho brushed an errant strand away from her face and tucked it behind her ear moving in closer all the while. The brunette couldn't help but shiver in anticipation. The man excited her beyond belief. Jericho, for his part, tried to maintain his cool but quickly discovered he was on the losing end of the battle with a young woman who had him undone with a simple flutter of her eyelashes.

"Damn we're romantic… and verbose too." He whispered into her ear.

Stephanie laughed and lightly smacked him on the arm. "Shut up and kiss me you idiot."

"Yes ma'am." Jericho saluted. "I love a take charge kind of woman." He said just before he kissed her soundly.

"So… we're still out here."

"Yes we are."

"Stephanie don't you think it's time to suck it up and face the music?"

"I still think we should run away Chris, run far far away."

"We are not running away."

"Romeo and Juliet would've run away." Stephanie grumbled.

"Romeo and Juliet killed themselves," The Canadian countered. "Stupid teenagers."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

"You don't really want to run do you?" He asked.

"No, no I don't." Stephanie admitted. "I just wish we didn't have to do this part. It's bad enough to have to deal with our families individually but together? Chris just put me out of my misery."

The living legend gathered his girl into his arms. "I know this is difficult but we'll get through this together like we always have and always will."

"I love you Christopher Anthony Jericho."

"I love you too Stephanie Marie McMahon."

A comfortable quiet enveloped them once more until Jericho broke it with an observation.

"My dad thinks your dad is an overly anal arrogant elitist asshole, his words not mine."

"Hmm not surprising given how they met," Stephanie mused. "Though I think it only fair to mention that my dad thinks your dad is a low class small minded good for nothing ingrate, his words not mine."

Jericho rubbed his chin and gave Stephanie a side long look.

"Really?" He asked.

Stephanie nodded.

"Huh. So I take it their getting along won't happen any time soon."

"Nope. On the upside our moms are getting along fabulously. They bonded over their mutual Sable Hate." The youngest McMahon replied.

"My mom's barely been here for two days how the hell did she accumulate Sable Hate?"

"Sable flirted with your dad right in front of Catherine."

"Yup that would push my mom right over." The blond realized. "Vince wasn't bugged about this?"

"Nah he accepts it as Sable-like behavior."

"Of course." Jericho muttered incredulously.

"If anything Catherine thinks the best revenge on an ex is living well. So your mom is giving my mom tips on how to improve her love and sex life." Stephanie grimaced.

"Oh God Steph that's just way too much information!"

"Hey don't get upset at me Mister. If I had to grin and bear it, the least you can do is suffer after the fact."

The couple shuddered at the disturbing mental images their minds produced.

"You know though you'd never realize it at first, because my mom is way more subtle, that's exactly where Anya gets her mouth from, my mom." The Candian said.

"Believe me I totally get that now. Oh and since I like your sister please tell her to refrain from all the attention she's showering on Shane. Dawn Marie's been getting some serious training in and is getting a bit territorial."

"Will do, though what Dawn Marie sees in Simba I'll never know." He winced when Stephanie jabbed him sharply in the side with her elbow.

"Hey, my brother is a catch damnit. Any girl would be lucky to have him."

"Yeah right."

"Damn straight. Our moms think so. They're colluding and mother henning as we speak on hooking up Anya and Shane."

"What? Say it ain't so." Jericho was appalled.

"There's also Dawn Marie Hate, dear." She patted him on the knee. "But don't worry. Contrary to what our moms believe, I think any real hopes of a match between Shane and Anya were firmly dashed when Anya called Shane's business maneuverings moronic and juvenile."

"That my baby sister." The living legend proudly grinned.

"Needless to say Shane doesn't like Anya very much. Though I'll admit Dawn Marie's handling the motherly interference like a lady. Color me surprised."

"I'm going to hate myself for asking but why is our normally hot headed Dawn Marie all serene about this?"

"Well she's sort of distracted right now."

"How the hell would she be distracted now of all times?"

"She's having fun torturing Sable."

"Sable's cool as a cucumber, how'd Dawn manage to crack that exterior?" He asked.

"With you're grandmother, it's very weird, for some reason they've joined forces."

Jericho shook his head in exasperation. "I don't even want to know right now. It's bad enough my Gramps continues to wander the mansion complaining about the material excesses of the young and how back in his day everyone knew the value of a dollar."

"I'll never forget the twenty minute lecture he gave my dad," the billion dollar princess giggled. "Funny thing is I don't think dad minded at all. Again very weird. Maybe your gramps reminds my dad of his dad."

"And what the instant hatred between our fathers is partly spawned from some warped sense of sibling rivalry?"

The young woman shrugged. "I don't know. Possibly. Or maybe it's just a case of the Clash of the Alpha Males. Who knows with those two? Anyways I'm tired of discussing the million and three freakishly odd encounters between our family members. "

"You mean there is more?" The wrestler asked truly astounded.

"Baby we've barely begun to scratch the surface and this just the immediate family wait till the extended clans roll through, oh and the wrestling drama."

"Good Lord the drama." Jericho moaned.

"Chris I love you, are you sure you want to go through with this?" Stephanie asked with concern marring her features.

He kissed her forehead. "Princess I knew exactly what we'd be getting into when I slipped that ring on your finger and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Neither would I. I could never marry the man I love without my friends and family around to celebrate our union. Although the thought of joining our families, especially now that they've met each other, is kinda frightening."

"There's no arguing that," Jericho laughed. "But now it's time to stick to our guns, march into that ridiculously large house---"

Stephanie rolled her eyes.

"--- tell them that we are getting married and threaten a plague on both their houses, just for the hell of it."

"Okay!" Steph was amped. "You first."

She was also not stupid.

Neither was Jericho.

"Baby you should go first. I wouldn't be a gentleman otherwise."

"Since when have you been a gentleman." Stephanie snorted.

"About five minutes longer than you've been a lady." He retorted.

Yup this was going to take a while.


End file.
